I guess this would be technically the last post I write for this blog as a small chapter of my life has come to its close.
as some of you might know, the last month or so I haven’t been able to fall asleep very well or get a good nights rest. oftentimes I would lay in bed for about 4 hours before drifting off to sleep - and most of it was due to anxiety, worries, and tasks at hand. but now I find myself in bed in Los Angeles feeling so very tired.
the past 48 hours has been especially tough and if anything - proved how I tried to test my character. I had some finals due and either I could have pulled mediocre work which I feel like I do as a easy way out or spend my last two days in Basel slaving away inside in front of a computer, printer, and book binding room - which is what I did. I’ve never been so proud in my life - not necessarily because of the quality of work but my steadfast determination to get it done as much as my old habits persuaded to cop out. I mean really, ill never see these people again, who cares about what I hand in?
but to top off my night I had a goodbye party organized and I felt terrible for not formally saying goodbye to friends and professors despite how I was in school all day. I was so surprised to see how many people showed up. I was also very saddened at the idea of perhaps never seeing some of these people. i then found myself tearing up as one by one people went home and sharing final goodbyes. I have to admit I’ve grown attached and obviously given that it was so hard to really say “goodbye” and understanding that I won’t see some of these supportive faces again was so sad.
perhaps as a side note I will explain why Im so grateful to my friends in switzerland. first off, I feel like I truly was alone in this experience. I had no friends from home, no native English speaking friends, and I was one of the few Asians who live in Basel. so almost in every aspect I felt self conscious, lonely, and excluded - whether these feelings were true in reality is uncertain but I couldn’t help feeling this way. but in the end I felt like I should push these depressing thoughts away as they harbored poor attitude when really it was such a invaluable experience in disguise; it was an opportunity for me to grow independent, self reliant, and really develop good judgment. but my classmates were friendly, tried to speak English, invited me out every weekend, and so supportive when internally I was struggling to keep a good attitude. I feel like their year of students is also very close knit like ours, and kind of wary of new faces - but somehow they listened to my problems school and non school related, so at the end of it all I was very grateful and appreciative.
after the goodbye party I proceeded to start packing and just keeping myself preoccupied and avoiding the fact that I’ve said my formal goodbyes to those who have made switzerland fun. I boarded the plane without sleeping - the last time I slept in a bed was Tuesday jan 3 7am - 10am. I was so happy to maybe sleep at 15 hours of the flight but I could not manage to. I dozed off here and there but not peacefully. yeah granted the airplane is not the most ideal place to sleep but at this hour I’m realizing the true reason and my main point of this post:
I’ve been avoiding sleep to well, avoid dealing with closure. when I try to sleep, moments prior to I reflect. I reflect about my day, the next day, how I felt, etc. right now as my eyes are baggy I have only one sad thing to reflect about: the last four months as a whole. I can’t believe I was drinking a nice Swiss beer with friends at a hipster bar and now I’m in Los Angeles. I can’t believe I’m not in Switzerland and I’m
unsure if I’ve come to terms with that. i put off sleep the last two days because I didn’t want to admit that my experience is now over and that chapter in my life has been written and passed. while I am proud of how I grew and how I really adopted their living style, I am more sad because I guess, I loved it. it’s going to be weird the next few days to wake up and not be in Europe - I almost feel like I had a relationship with Switzerland and we just broke up.
but if anything it was worth it.
time to go home?
have a merry christmas and a happy new year
i had my final presentations today, pulled my first all nighter (from work) of this fall, and cannot physically get into the bookbinding room until the 3rd of january to finish work: i have about 12 days of milking this basel cow. so what to do?
1. everyday cook something i’ve never cooked before. (tomorrow maybe egg’s benedict/etc. drawing inspiration from: http://whattocooktoday.com/
with this, perhaps I can publish a mockup magazine about food.
2. visit at least three places. this christmas I will be going to Basel Land with a friend - but after that maybe go to Berlin or Rome from 26-29 of December. Celebrate New Years Eve in Basel at DasLokal. Go to Montreux or Geneva for a day. (In Montreux I could get a photo of the statue of Freddie Mercury.)
3. Photodocument all the projects I’ve been working on.
But first rest.
Christmas in Basel. it’s hard to
believe that in a week it’ll be Christmas and a week after that it’ll be the new year. I’ve never spent Christmas and news year in Europe, let alone without my family. I feel as though I should travel around during these times, but I’m afraid recent disasters are going to ground me. my mac will not turn on and I have final presentations on Wednesday. I’m pretty sure I’ll ask for an extension to hand in the actual books and process documentation the day before I leave, but regardless I have to prepare something for Wednesday. the public computers at the school are in German which is disheartening when you’re trying to use Indesign and illustrator and you don’t know which tools are which and you don’t have your US MacBook pro to reference certain options. but I guess it’s either you go big or you go home - and in an instance like this where I’m at my two weeks mark in Basel, I should go big. Im really considering waiting 16 days to get a new computer in the US - unless my problems are fixable when I go to the tech people tomorrow morning. fingers crossed.
on top of that, i have to admit I’ve never been so stressed out before. I would go to bed at 2, and it takes me hours to fall asleep - I stay up worrying and constantly thinking about layouts, deadlines, typefaces, booking flights, seeing my family again..all this anxiety is actually taking a toll. I’ve always managed to fall asleep no matter what but I’ve never felt so anxious.
I’d say that I’ve been on a streak of bad luck while I’ve been to Europe: MacBook pro dying, passport stolen, wallet stolen, etc etc and it disheartens me to call my parents and brother every time to only bear bad news. sometimes I question whether this whole trip was worth it - and I find it hard to bounce back with these unlucky situations. however, I am hoping the hard work, the time spent alone, the chance to truly immerse in a culture and really observe the people here will really leave an impression on me. if anything, I’ve learned a lot as a person and lots of common sense things picked up - so yes, all in all, sleepless nights will pay off on my plane ride home.
d-16 days.
I’m working all day everyday. since Sunday I haven’t gone home early. for the past two school days I went from 8:30am to 12am - and the weathers been kind of spooky where it would be sunny and then torrential rainy. I see no end in sight when it comes to how much work I have to get done: specifically make two copies of a hardcover book that I design a layout for, two process books for my typeface project along with finalized material, and a magazine. the paper I ordered arrives tomorrow - and I can’t wait to print considering how nice the paper will be. I’m not too ecstatic about book binding - most likely I will glue bind for time conservation. I also have to prepare three presentations. all in two weeks. ready? set! go. but in the midst of my computer on the verge of crashing and going up 4 flights of stairs to the print room every 30 minutes, and the panic/anxiety moments I have..as tired as my eyes are and how stressed I feel..I am still enjoying that I am here in Basel.
these guys came for basel school of design’s lecture series. they are based in finland but also have an office in nyc. they have a unique approach to design and their latest project, called yofreckles, is pretty cool. i’m following them on tumblr and its nice to see a variety of self-designed letters. check it out if you’re bored and see what designers all over the world are submitting - submit one yourself!
today was very long and busy, but as soon as i got home it got really quiet. i started feeling the stillness around 10pm. i was feeling kind of sick of being home even though it was pretty late and so I decided to go outside, take some photos by the rhein river, and collect my thoughts about the time i’ve spent in basel.
i’m really beginning to feel the pressure of how i’m leaving pretty soon - and that my trip is 2/3’s over. the feeling is quite heavy, considering how i will never get the chance to do this again. i’d be lying if i said i hadn’t considered staying here for another semester, and it doesn’t get any easier when friends tell me to stay longer. as easy as that would be, and considering the tuition price, i would go to basel any day than carnegie mellon - but basel isn’t my home. i try to go out with people here and really soak up the culture, but i know i’m just an observer.
i really felt like i needed time to myself to really sort it out. i feel like i just got here, and it’s been so great and it’s truly sad to realize i will never see some of the people i’ve met ever again. i’ve been planning of ways to come back to europe, and i think i’ve set my eyes on that idea. it’s my youth fountain now. it’s bittersweet - from here america seems so small and a whole different story and yet i’m a visitor here also.
it’s bittersweet.
away from the dirt,
beneath the skirt,
of the sea,
we won’t wake from our dreams.
this is where i am at with my sans-serif typeface.
I am basically taking the characteristics that I like in a classical-renaissance typeface and incorporating it to a san-serif typeface. i’ve been trying to set a certain proporations, stroke contrasts, and links to my letters.
today, we commonly sans-serif typefaces that are modern and static - seen by the equal stroke weight, contrast, and symmetrical forms. what i’m trying to do is make my sans-serif typeface pay homage to the dynamic properties that are seen in older classical fonts.
